David Beckham in talks over ‘dream move’ to Wolverhampton Wanderers

Popular underpants model David Beckham is meeting with Wolverhampton Wanderers officials to discuss what is believed to be a dream move for both the former England captain and his tone deaf twiglet wife Victoria.

Wonderful Wolverhampton

Beckham who has played for some of the world’s greatest clubs as well as Manchester United is said to be thrilled to have attracted attention from the West Midlands ninth best football team, having announced his desire to leave Los Angeles for somewhere ‘more glamorous’.

The possible arrival in the city of the beckhams has been greeted with great excitement. One local newspaper hailed it as “the best thing to happen to Wolverhampton since Mick McCarthy fucked off”, although nobody in Wolverhampton can actually read.

An unnamed club official told World of Sports: “Both David and Victoria will naturally be drawn to the city due to its close proximity to the Merry Hill Shopping Centre which has a pretty big TK Maxx as well as a new Primark, and there’s free parking. He added: “and if that’s not enough then Walsall is just down the road”.

However, one possible stumbling block to the move is the language barrier which would see the ex-England captain having to learn the notoriously confusing ‘Yam Yam’ dialect.

Although local Counsellor Ted Clagnut was quick to dispel any fears the Beckhams may have towards relocating to the city. He told World of Sports: “Life in Wolverhampton is not so different to Los Angeles with gun crime going through the roof and the city being home to some of Britain’s fattest bastards”.

Jimmy Savile stripped of marathon result following elite athlete abuse allegations

Cigar smoking sex monster Jimmy Savile has been removed from the official result of the 1985 London marathon following accusations that the fundraising kiddy fiddler attempted to molest a number of elite athletes during the race.

How's about you suck on this!

Several of the worlds best marathon runners have made allegations that the sexually deviant scarecrow attempted to ‘interfere’ with them. One athlete even went as far as attributing his high placed finish to being chased by the creepy children’s television presenter for the first three miles of the race.

Another elite athlete explained to World of Sports how he thought he was being wrapped in a foil blanket at the end of the race only to discover he was actually being molested by shell suit clad sex beast Savile who had his repulsive northern nut sack hanging out.

Pervertologists overwhelmingly believe that the sight of all those slightly built runners in their fluorescent pumps and short shorts proved too much of a temptation for the pube averse pervert.

However, Savile’s disqualification is good news for the huge number of fun runners who have seen their race results amended.

Tony Hills, an office supplies manager who finished the 1985 race just outside the top four thousand told World of Sports: “I was contacted out of the blue by the marathon organisers who informed me that I had been promoted by one place following the disqualification of that dirty bastard Jimmy Savile. I was over the moon".

He added: “I know all this paedophile business is awful, but every cloud has a silver lining.”