oooh, aarrrh.
The ceremony
is believed to be a celebration of some of Great Britian’s most historically
significant events. Proceedings will get underway with Sir Steve Redgrave
rowing a life sized replica of Lord Nelson’s flag ship HMS Victory into the
Olympic Stadium which will then engage in battle, not only with French warships,
but to avoid offence will also sink stunning recreations of the Bismarck, the General
Bengrano, and TV funny man David Walliams.
This will be
followed by scenes including a re-enactment of Brian Dowling’s 2010 Ultimate
Big Brother win, as well as the crash landing of Britian’s Beagle 2 into the
surface of Mars.
It is
understood that live music will be provided by acts such as Bucks Fizz or M
People, and will also feature a rare live performance by Sir Paul McCartney.
The arts will
be represented by a nonsensical piece of rubbish by BritArt stalwart Damien
Hurst titled ‘I can’t believe I still get away with this sh*t!’
The identity
of who will be lighting the Olympic cauldron is still a tightly guarded secret,
but bookmakers’ favourites include: Sven Goran Eriksson, Zola Budd, Windsor Davies,
Lily Allen, and Mario Balotelli.
The 9 hour ceremony
will then culminate in a firework display which reportedly will cost almost £84.
When asked for
a comment Deputy Prime Minister Nick Glegg shouted from his bedroom window “It
all sound brilliant. I’ll be watching it live on television if Dave will let me
stay up late.”
Opening
Ceremony Director Danny Boyle was apparently unable to confirm any of these
details as he had “just nipped out to Asda to get a few bits”, an official
said.
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