Nation Mourns Death of Paula Radcliffe’s Career

A nation has been left stunned with news of the death of Paula Radcliffe’s 20 year athletics career. But tonight as the Olympic Cauldron burned brightly, the final flames of the World Record holder’s Olympic dream died.

Lets not tell Elton John

The wobbly headed pavement pounder was said to be “heartbroken”, and “in tears again”, after being forced to pull out of next Sunday’s marathon after doctor’s confirmed she has an “old foot”. Medical experts believe the foot, Radcliffe’s left, is “getting on for nearly 40 years old!” The news signalled the end of Radcliffe’s running about as the condition is irreversible.

The sad news triggered an outpouring of grief on a scale last seen following the tragic death of Princess Diana in the failed Olympic 2012 bid city, Paris, 15 years ago.

When asked about Radcliffe’s lack of Olympic success one mourner fought back tears to tell us: “If anyone deserved an Olympic medal it was Paula. I mean, she won all the big marathons, London, New York, Boston. But she just didn’t seem to be as good when money wasn’t involved.”

Another sobbing mourner sporting Radcliffe’s trademark nose plaster said: “You can keep your Dame Kelly Holmes. I’ll take my Princess Paula any day.”

Despite World and Commonwealth success, the later years of Radcliffe’s career were plagued by mistakes such as over training, and forgetting to go to the toilet before the start of the 2005 London Marathon.

One TV pundit and Welsh track legend said: “Paula’s greatest quality was her never say die attitude. She just never knew when to throw the towel in, which was probably sometime around 2006 if we’re being honest.”