World of Sports 2012 Olympic Awards

As the London Olympics draw to a spectacular close World of Sports panel of so called experts award the top three Team GB performances that made the 2012 games better than Prozac.

Double Bullet Ben Ainslie

Bronze

Sneaking onto the podium to claim our Bronze medal is the footballing Frankenstein that was ‘Team GB’. If nothing else the teams frankly lack lustre campaign provided an answer to the eternal question of what would an England team have been like with Ryan Giggs on the left wing. Consensus amongst pundits seems to be a resounding “just as sh*t.”

It appears that the inclusion of amorous Welshman Giggs in an England team would have only compounded their ability to disappear from tournaments long before playing anyone remotely decent.

Silver

The second step on the podium belongs to human tree trunk Sir Chris Hoy. Adding two more gold medals to his collection saw ‘charismatic’ Chris dethrone Sir Steve Redgrave as Britain’s most boring Olympian. Following his historic sixth Olympic victory television audiences were treated to an exchange of word between Hoy and the seemingly omnipresent Redgrave that proved so tedious it punched a hole through time.

Scores of viewer reportedly awoke a full half an hour later only to realise that they had missed Team GB golden girl Victoria Pendleton getting rinsed by Australian Anna Mears.

Gold

Taking top spot on the podium is Team GB flag ship Ben Ainslie. Despite making a shaky start to his quest for a fourth Olympic title, ‘Big B*stard’ Ben’s Danish and Dutch opponents felt it necessary to rub him up the wrong way by claiming he had cut a corner during the sixth race out of ten.

Showing admirable ‘Bulldog’ spirit Team GB’s top boy Ainslie responded by fanning over to his continental counterparts shouting “you f*cking want some?” before throwing an ashtray, his pint and some white plastic patio furniture in their general direction. It makes you proud to be British.